The courage to be imperfect

Alfred Adler was a sickly child. He had rickets and struggled to walk, and at about five he nearly died of pneumonia. Watching his older brother run and play, he felt small and behind, and he later said that his illnesses led him to become a doctor.

Adler came to believe that feeling inferior is part of being human: we all start small and dependent, surrounded by people who can do more than we can. His student Rudolf Dreikurs, who carried Adler's ideas to Chicago, gave a famous lecture in 1957 with a title that sums up where this leads: "The Courage to Be Imperfect".

For Adler, feeling "not enough" isn't a problem in itself. It can be a spur: the child who can't yet walk keeps trying, and that's how they learn.

Trouble starts when the feeling turns into a reason not to try. "I'll start when I'm better at it." "I can't share it until it's perfect." Adler gave this a name that has passed into everyday language: the inferiority complex. Perfectionism can be a version of it, protecting us from ever being seen to fall short.

The courage to be imperfect means acting anyway: sharing the rough draft, asking the clumsy question, trying the new thing badly at first. Mistakes become part of learning, not proof that you're not enough.

• Self-compassion

  Kristin Neff's idea of common humanity: falling short is something every person shares, not a sign that you're uniquely flawed.

• CBT

  Work on perfectionism often involves deliberately doing something to a "good enough" standard, and seeing what actually happens.

Think of something you've been putting off until you're ready, or until you can do it perfectly.

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You want to join a choir, but you're worried you're not good enough yet. What would the courage to be imperfect suggest?