The avoidance trap
Why steering clear of what scares you brings relief now and keeps the fear going.
Avoiding what scares you makes sense. If parties make you anxious, staying home feels better, straight away. That instant relief is exactly the trap.
Psychologists have known this since the 1940s, when O. Hobart Mowrer described how fear is kept alive: we learn to fear something, and then avoiding it is rewarded by relief, so we keep avoiding. Each time, the mind takes a lesson: "that was dangerous, and I escaped." And because you're never there, you never get to learn otherwise.
Over time the circle of things that feel manageable shrinks. A worry about one party becomes a worry about all parties, then meeting friends at all.
It comes in many shapes
- Not going: turning down the invitation, not booking the appointment
- Escaping: leaving as soon as anxiety rises
- Putting it off: the email you keep not opening
- Going, but guarded: rehearsing, sticking by the door, keeping your phone out. These are safety behaviours (see Drop a safety behaviour).
- In your head: distracting yourself whenever a thought or feeling comes up
Not all avoidance is a problem
Avoiding real danger is wise, and choosing not to do things you don't value is just living your life. The question to ask: is this keeping a fear going that's bigger than the real risk, and stopping me from doing things I care about?
The way out is to approach, gradually: small steps towards what you've been avoiding, staying long enough to find out what really happens. That's what Build a fear ladder is for.
Leah gets anxious making phone calls, so she's been texting or emailing instead for a year. Now even short calls feel impossible. What's happened?
Sources and further reading
- Salkovskis, P. M. (1991). The importance of behaviour in the maintenance of anxiety and panic: A cognitive account. Behavioural Psychotherapy, 19(1), 6-19.
- Craske, M. G., Treanor, M., Conway, C. C., Zbozinek, T., & Vervliet, B. (2014). Maximizing exposure therapy: An inhibitory learning approach. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 58, 10-23.
- Mowrer, O. H. (1960). Learning Theory and Behavior. Wiley.
Finish the lesson
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