Urge surfing

In the 1980s, the psychologist Alan Marlatt at the University of Washington was studying why people slip back into drinking or smoking after deciding to stop. He saw that cravings weren't constant. They came in waves, and people often gave in at the peak, convinced the urge would only keep growing.

Marlatt, who meditated himself, taught a different response: ride the urge the way a surfer rides a wave, without being knocked over. Years later, he and his colleague Sarah Bowen tested it with smokers. Those who learned urge surfing smoked fewer cigarettes in the following week, even though their cravings were no weaker.

Urges feel as if they'll keep building until you give in. In fact they behave like waves: they rise, peak and fall away, often within minutes.

Surfing means turning towards the urge with curiosity instead of obeying or fighting it. Where do you feel it in your body? How strong is it now? Is it rising, peaking, starting to fall? Your breath is the surfboard: something steady to stay on while the wave passes.

It works for all kinds of urges: checking your phone, sending an angry message, seeking reassurance, snacking when stressed. Each time you ride one out, you learn that urges pass on their own.

• Buddhism

  Craving (tanha) is seen as a root of suffering, and watching it arise and pass without acting is central to meditation.

• Taoism

  Be like water: move with the wave rather than fighting it.

• Mindfulness

  Urge surfing grew out of mindfulness-based relapse prevention: noticing a craving with curiosity instead of obeying it.

Think of an urge that often pulls at you.

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You feel a strong urge to check your phone during dinner. What is urge surfing?