Make room

In 1863, Fyodor Dostoevsky wrote: "Try to pose for yourself this task: not to think of a polar bear, and you will see that the cursed thing will come to mind every minute."

In 1987, the psychologist Daniel Wegner put it to the test. He asked students to talk for five minutes while trying not to think of a white bear, ringing a bell each time it came to mind. They rang it about once a minute. Afterwards, when they were allowed to think about it, the bear came back even more. Pushing a thought away, Wegner found, tends to bring it back.

Feelings seem to work in a similar way. Fighting anxiety ("stop it, calm down, this is ridiculous") adds a layer of struggle on top. ACT calls the alternative expansion, or making room.

Instead of pushing the feeling away, you get curious about it as a sensation. Where in your body is it? What size, shape or temperature? Then you breathe into it and let it be there, as if making space around it.

You don't have to like the feeling. Making room just means you stop spending energy on the fight, which leaves more for living.

• Buddhism

  The second arrow: the pain itself, then the extra suffering of struggling against it.

• Sufism

  Rumi's poem The Guest House invites us to welcome each feeling as a visitor.

Think of a feeling that's been with you today. Close your eyes for a moment if that's comfortable, and find it in your body.

Your answers stay in this page and aren't saved or sent anywhere.

Anxiety shows up as tightness in your chest before a phone call. What does making room look like?